Reconnection
In my recent introduction to Channeling Your Soul Wisdom, an interesting conversation unfolded regarding living in one’s head. That conversation led me to reflect on my process of reconnecting. When one lives in survival consciousness, they are not fully connected to their body, to their heart or to their soul. Reconnecting is a process of remembering our true selves.
As a child, I had no understanding that I was empathic. When my mother would hurt me in a fit of anger, I not only experienced the physical pain of my body being hurt and the emotions that that pain generated, but I embodied my mother’s emotional pain as well. To escape feeling the intensity of all the pain, I would leave my body. That was the beginning of me disconnecting from my body. It wasn’t safe to feel, and as a small child, leaving my body was my only way to cope with the pain. As I got older, I became a head dweller. My head became my safe haven. I learned to ‘think feel’ so I could control what I felt, and I only left my body when I experienced pain I couldn’t control. Having learned to disconnect early in my life, it became an unconscious pattern.
When I was in my early thirties, I became aware that being disconnected from my emotions (my heart) was my way to protect myself. For example, when someone would ask me how I felt about something I would say, “I think I feel sad about that.” In time, I learned that ‘think feeling’ was not an accurate way to determine how I was actually feeling. I would ‘think feel’ whatever I felt I could cope with. I may be angry but would think of myself as being upset. I could control being upset but I was afraid of losing control if I allowed myself to feel anger.
When I participated in the Myers and Briggs personality test, I was astounded to learn that I had a preference for feeling, not thinking. I was certain I was a thinker. Through my conditioning, I learned to value my intellect and believed that thinking was one of my strongest attributes; I believed I could think my way through any challenge and be safe. On the other hand, I saw being empathic as a curse, when it was actually a gift. I was born designed to feel and feel deeply. I didn’t know how to use the gift. It was not a gift that was valued in my home or community. To reconnect with my body and feel safe, I had to learn to be with my emotions — to discern that what I was feeling was actually being generated from within me. I had to learn to establish effective boundaries that would allow me to be safe but allow me to expand and grow in my relationship with myself and all life.
Relationship has always been one of my top five values. By disconnecting from my body, my heart and my soul, I was impeding my ability to be in relationship with not only myself, but with life. I was sabotaging myself by keeping myself in separation while I was seeking connection. It wasn’t until I experienced connection that I realized how disconnected I was. Reconnecting with my body and feeling safe was a continuous practice. When I felt safe, I could then activate my heart center. Once I was reconnected with my heart, I could then connect with my soul.
From what I have shared, you can see that reconnecting with my soul was a process. It involved a lot of unlearning. Loving my inner child was the key to unlearning the conditioned patterns. When the inner child is abandoned, one lives in separation. I am grateful that I had the support of many teachers and guides, as there were times I wasn’t sure I could stay in the process of reconnecting to my body, heart and soul.
Over the years, I have had three consistent practices that have supported me to deepen my connection to my body, heart and soul.
1 ) Walking, or just being in nature I connect with Gaia and my soul.
2) Meditation enables me to connect with my soul and all that is. The biggest challenge I experienced in meditating was moving beyond my chaotic mind to the stillness of the present moment where I experience connection. Thanks to my guides, I have learned how to be in the present moment.
3) Writing — as soon as I have pen in hand, a channel opens to my heart and soul. Like in meditation, there are times my mind becomes very active and impedes the channeling. I use a writing technique to empty my mind and then I can slip into the space where there are no words and the words that take form on the paper are from my soul.
All three are powerful practices and when I combine them all together, I deepen the connection. I love giving myself the gift of mini forest retreats. A couple hours of meditation and writing surrounded by the trees, nurtures my connection to Oneness.
The word that chose me for 2023 was ‘connection’. I find it fascinating that my natural gift of feeling — the catalyst for me to disconnect from my body in childhood — is now one of my greatest assets that allows me to connect deeply to my body, heart and soul. It serves me well as I continue to birth my true self and guide other women to birth their true selves. I am so grateful to be empathic and to feel so deeply. Today if someone tells me I am sensitive, my heart swells with gratitude. I say, “Yes, I feel deeply, and I am grateful to have been given such a phenomenal gift.”
For Further Exploration
Do you experience disconnection to self?
If so, what are the gifts you give yourself to reconnect with your body, heart and soul?
What are your natural gifts that support you in connecting with your inner world?