Making Sense of Our Lives Through Story
Problems that remain persistently insolvable should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way. Alan Watts
Stories are how we make sense of our lives. Our stories — and the beliefs and the patterns that they generate — act as protection for a wound. Our stories become the unconscious narrative that shapes our life. We give our stories our attention, our energy and their power. Where we focus, our energy is where our spirit and soul show up. We give our stories life. When we change our story, we change our life.
To free self from story, one has to take responsibility for their role in the narrative. Freedom comes with responsibility. The original meaning of the word response-able was ‘the ability to respond’. We are being called to be ‘responsible to’ as that is an expression of oneness, whereas being ‘responsible for’ self or another is an expression of the pattern of separation (victim consciousness). To be responsible to ourselves and our role in our story requires transcending victim consciousness, which involves change.
Change is one aspect of life that is constant, yet humans resist change. I often hear people saying they wish another person would change their story, their beliefs, their patterns or their behaviour, but they do not make any mention of being accountable for theirs. They want the world around them to change to align with the story they believe about themselves. The truth is that we can’t change another. The only person we can change is ourselves and we are the only one that can change the stories that live out through us.
I understand the fear of change. When we release attachment to our story that has become our identity, we are in the unknown. Who am I if I am not my story? That can be scary. What if we learn something about ourselves we don’t like? That can be painful to look at. The truth is, the only way we come to know our true self is to unlearn what we believe to be true about ourselves. That unlearning requires self-love and having compassion for self. This is a journey of self-love. My experience has been, the more love and compassion I have for myself, the more I am loved and supported. It feels like the entire Universe is working with me.
I have always been a truth seeker. So, my experience has been when I release the resistance to change and choose to embrace the change, it unfolds much easier than I thought possible. When you know your true self and the changes you choose to experience are attuned to your truth, life simply gets lighter and brighter and the possibilities are unlimited.
Truth bombs can shatter a story in an instant. That is why many people don’t want to hear the truth. They are afraid of their story being shattered because that means change and being in the unknown. People who are listening to a story being shared from victim consciousness often see the truth that we can’t see. They are listening without any emotional attachment and that gives them clarity that we don’t have. If they share what they see, it can potentially be an incredible gift — if one is open to receive the truth. That is not easy when one is attached to their story of who they think they are.
A few years ago, I attended a retreat that challenged us to face our fears through engaging in physical activities that we wouldn’t be exposed to in everyday life. We chose our activities; they were not assigned nor were we forced. I chose the activity to climb a tree and at 23 meters, step onto a log that hung chained between the tree I was climbing and another tree. I was to cross the swinging log and climb down the other tree. I was in a harness, and if I fell, I would automatically be lowered to the ground. I heard the leaders tell me that I was safe, but I had a story about falling that was more powerful than reality. I climbed the tree quickly but I could not overcome the fear of stepping out on to the chained log. I was convinced I would fall. After a few attempts to step onto the log I chose to repel to the ground as the fear of falling was too great.
When the retreat was over and I was on the shuttle going to the airport I was sharing my experience with another retreat participant. I was telling her about my fear of falling and how it limited me from completing the activity. I was actually unconsciously using my fear as an excuse for not being able to complete the activity. Using my fear as a scapegoat, I didn’t feel like a failure.
A woman a couple seats ahead of me turned around and looked me right in the eyes and said, “But you knew you were safe, even if you did fall off the log.”
TRUTH BOMB!
I started to stammer, “But… but… but my fear was so strong…”
She said, “You know the truth and your fear has no power over you. It is a story.”
I was speechless as the truth vibrated through my entire being. In that moment, I wanted another opportunity. I knew it would be an entirely different experience. I was deeply grateful to that woman who dropped the truth bomb and shattered my story. That was a life changing experience. As I allowed the truth to integrate, I laughed. I work with story every day and I couldn’t see my own story, how I used it to limit myself and then hid behind it. I was unconscious of being unconscious of my story. The moment the woman dropped the truth bomb, I became conscious and I was able to receive and integrate the truth.
I guide women through a simple six-step process to release attachment to their stories and birth their true selves. I invite you to sign up for my newsletter (below) and you will receive a link to download my fee ebook that has an abundance of guidance: big life questions that open the door to truth and helpful practices to become more self-aware. I also offer a two part four hour workshop that is a companion to my ebook, supporting you to go deeper into the process of birthing your true self. I offer personal sessions that can be purchased one at a time or in a package with a substantial saving.
What I value about my approach in guiding my clients is that I respect your unique process and after short time with me you will have the skills and confidence to guide yourself in the process that will serve your for life. There is an old adage, “Give a human a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a human to fish and you feed them for a lifetime.” That perennial wisdom is the root of the six-step process I have designed. I use this same process to remember my sovereignty and create my life by living it.